I found out my husband got his first lap dance the other night. I didn't mention it to him when he told me, but the thought of it really made me hot. When we had sex last night, I kept thinking of myself as that girl who gave him a lap dance, taking it to the next level. It was probably the best sex we've had. I came when he was sucking on my right tit, thinking about him sucking on some other girl's tit.

My husband's going to be home soon. We haven't had sex since the last time I mentioned, so he's definitely going to want it tonight. I want it too, but... eh. Maybe not with him? He's a very considerate lover, but he's so damn... slow. Everything's always slow and tender and I'm sure some women might like that, but I don't think I ever have. I want it hard and fast and just to plain fuck. Yeah, I've told him and I've tried to pick up the pace myself, but it never works.

Bah.

I've designated The Best Friend to innocent crush status. I think perhaps I think about him so much just because I like him as a person and he's pretty fun to be around. I've tried to explore sexual feelings, but it's almost like thinking of a brother, so I don't think there's any sexual feelings involved at all. I don't know if I should tell my husband that I think of his best friend more than a person should think of their husband's best friend, but I probably won't. We talk about the man enough as it is.

I need to get back to concentrating on improving my sex life with my husband and leave this weird obsession I have behind.

Yes. It seems like I just can't be around my husband's best friend without having strong feelings for him and obsessing about him for days afterward.

Any opinions here? Should I tell my husband? Pursue the feelings I'm having without telling my husband? Stop hanging around the best friend all together? He's a good friend. I'd hate to lose his company, but these feelings are just getting stronger the more I'm around him. Big sighs.

It's not likely my husband and I will have sex again in 2005. I gave him an amazing blow job last night, but no sex. No sex since that Wednesday. I usually don't let more than a week pass between sex, but this week has just been hectic for both of us. The formerly mentioned best friend will be joining us for New Year's Eve celebrations. It will just be the three of us. I don't much care for parties. I haven't seen the best friend in a couple weeks now and as I suspected, all my weird ass feelings for him have slowly been slipping away.

We plan to do Jello shots tonight and I'd like to get drunk. I'm not sure I've ever actually been drunk. I've been hella tipsy, but I can't seem to consume enough alcohol to get drunk. One night I downed about six shots of whiskey one after the other in an attempt to get drunk and although I wouldn't have thought of operating a motor vehicle with that much booze in me, I was still only buzzed. Getting drunk has been a fun pasttime for so many people, I'd like to see what all the commotion is about at least once in my lifetime. I have a feeling it will end up being pretty disappointing.

Completely unrelated: I hate the word, "dick". I always have. When I think of dicks, I think of thin little ugly pricks. I prefer cock or penis. I think the word dick has a lot of negative spin because it's come to be a term we use to describe jerks. Why any guy would refer to his penis as a dick is beyond me. The few times my husband's said it when we're in the middle of something, I get completely turned off.

No sex since Wednesday. The horniness which was overtaking me last week was short lived and no doubt an indication of how fertile I was at the time. Strange, because I rarely get as horny and almost constantly wet as I was last week.

Last night I gave my dear husband a blow job, but even that didn't last too long. He loves when I rub my tits against his cock and I think the anticipation leading to the actual blowjob was just too exciting. He only lasted a couple minutes before coming. Definitely not one of the best, but he seemed happy enough.

( LONG post ahead. Short of it: Is it ever okay to ask him to put his needs on hold after getting mine? )

My voice is SO not sexy and I'm not good at talking dirty, so for now, it's just the facts.

VoicePost 421K 1:59

“I completely forgot I had a paid livejournal; I thought it was still free for some reason. Um, so I thought I'd make use of the voice posting feature. I don't know why, but I might as well. Uh, so, my husband and I actually had sex last night, which is really, uh, weird for a Wednesday night. We usually only have sex on the weekends; yes, we are THAT boring. Um, and it was REALLY good; I was feeling really REALLY horny last night and, in fact, I've been feeling really horny for the past few days which, again, is odd for me. I, I normally don't just FEEL horny, I usually have to be watching something erotic or doing something erotic or, you know, something like that. I don't just feel horny out of the, out of the blue; sitting at work, feeling horny - it's not, it's not really me. Um, so it was really good and it took - we, we spent about two hours, um, doing different things, which I won't go into detail unfortunately, but, um, I was really worked up and for some reason he just couldn't make me come, uh, unfortunately he got tired after about an hour of - hour after, after we had sex just trying to make me come and it just didn't work out. Um, so maybe tonight something will happen - um, at least for me. But that's just a little update; I thought it was a GOOD thing that we had sex on a weekday and a good thing that I'm feeling horny. And I really think that the, that this livejournal is helping, um, even after I abandoned it for many months. Um, and I really think reading all y'all's livejournals helps too because for some reason, you know, hearing other people's sex lives is quite a turn on and uh, quite interesting. So, just wanted to give you a little update. Talk to you later. Bye.” Transcribed by: alexicat

As mentioned, I've been trying to sort out these very conflicting feelings I have about my husband's best friend. I recognize the fact that I'm more attracted to the thought of him being attracted to me than I am to him. Guys getting off on me, or my words, has gotten me off for a long time. I used to have a website (domain name and everything) where I wrote quite explicitly (similar to this LJ, but with less purpose) and I was thrilled with the male attention it got. I am always thrilled with male attention. Unless, of course, the male is at all attainable. That goes back to what I was saying earlier as well.

For some reason, I'm not really turned on by my husband's attraction to me though. This might be because I already have him and there's just no fun in flirting and being sexy because he seems to be highly turned on by me regardless.

It seems almost cliche and this should have been obvious to me, but I'm not sure I made the connection before. I guess one of my goals is to figure out how to convince myself that my husband is temporarily not attracted to me so I can woo him. Silly.

I guess I should make it clear that I'm not very good at keeping up with things. I had every intention of continuing this journal, but it just became overwhelming to me.

I'm sure I'll pop up in some friends lists and people will be scratching their heads trying to remember who I am and why I was friended in the first place.

To summarize, I'm bored with my sex life with my husband and wanted to start this journal as a way to help me sort through my own sexual thoughts and emotions, hopefully improving our sex life.

( What's up with my feelings for my husband's best friend? )

I frequently fantasize about my husband having sex with another woman while I watch. I realize this isn't exactly odd but I know in real life I would be far too jealous to ever agree to or enjoy something like this. In the safety of my head, however, I get really turned on thinking about him with another woman. In fact, when I masturbate, that's normally what I think of.

I was recently watching one of HBO's Real Sex series: Cathouse. If you have HBO and haven't seen this yet, give it a shot! It's about the Bunny Ranch in Nevada - oh how I love to watch porn documentaries! Anyway, on the very first episode a huband and wife come in. One of the girls gives the husband a naked massage while the wife watches, next to her husband. Afterwards, they're interviewed and the wife says that his fantasy would be to have sex with his wife and another woman at the same time. They're starting with that massage and will progress toward his fantasy. I guess it seems safe enough.

I really doubt I'll ever let this little fantasy slip out of my head. I don't think I'd even mention it to my husband just in case he starts getting ideas. Still, it's a little frustrating spending so much time fantasizing about something you'll never be able to share.

( Oh! Oh! I gave my husband a blow-job tonight... )

Now that blow-job really turned me on. That would always be an excellent first course to a night full of love making. Alas, the crimson tide has rolled in and my husband has an aversion to sex during this time of the month... I'm trying to convince him that it isn't going to make his cock shrivel up, die and fall off, but I'm not going to force him if it makes him uncomfortable.

That bit aside, I think tonight was a success! This isn't turning out to be as hard as I thought it would!

I haven't had a lot of time to devote to this project lately, but things are going pretty well regardless.

My husband and I had sex on Tuesday. He spent probably an hour getting me worked up until I thought I'd explode. I climbed on top of him and he felt so good inside of me. I thought I was about to come at any second, but the release never came. I can't even describe just how good it felt. My husband came and then worked on me for another hour or so until I finally orgasmed. The orgasm was great, but the sex was even better. I'd say it was probably the best I've had so far.

( On with the really boring stuff... )

My husband woke me up at 7am this morning by taking a shower and returning to the bed for kisses on my neck and back. I really wasn't feeling like morning sex (my head hurt, I was stuffed up and I just generally felt completely unsexy) so I offered him a blow job instead.

Unlike my husband who has no problem falilng asleep anywhere at any time, once I'm up, I'm up for the day. Now I'm just really pissed off that he robbed me of my last day of the weekend to sleep in. He of course is back in bed asleep again.

How am I supposed to want to have sex with the man when he pisses me off like this?

I guess I'll just go read Harry Potter. Mother fucker.

This is the 2nd installment of a series I've not yet named. The first installment I believe was much better, but a writer isn't going to win on all of them, you know? Read the first installment, Jessi Finds Her G-Spot.

Brad picked up Jessica to take her to the town picnic they'd planned on going to for weeks. It was their first date since Brad found Jessica and her friends together in the locker room and she'd mostly tried to avoid him since then. She was nervous and didn't know what Brad thought about it. She didn't want him to think she was cheating or was into a whole slew of kinky things because, well, she just didn't really know what she was into.

( Continue onwards to see what happens at The Picnic )

If you liked this, please leave a comment. No need to ask permission to friend me. This journal is public.

First, I have to say that you guys rock. All the comments I've received have been so supportive and kind! You folks are really helping my husband and I and as I was thinking about it yesterday, I almost started to cry.

We're definitely not there yet yet, but it's very rare for us to have sex more than once a week, on the weekends. I'm very glad I wound up staying home from work yesterday and writing that story.

( What happened with the 'story incident' )

( Skipping to the sex... )

One of the reasons our sex life is so bland right now is because I have a hard time getting the stresses of life out of my mind enough to feel turned on by the prospect of sex. I feel pressured to meet my quota before the week is up. It's just hard to be turned on when you feel that way.

Anyhow, I was re-reading the story I wrote this morning and I was feeling just great about it. I thought it was not only sexy, but well written. I've struggled with my writing for years. I decided I wanted to share this story with my husband. I thought surely this would turn him on and make me feel excited that I shared that part of myself with him; knowing that he would be thinking of the scenes in that story while ravishing me.

His usual lunch time came around and I decided to call him and ask him if he'd have time to read a little story I wrote this morning. He said. "Yeah. Sure." Unexcited. I guessed I was being way too subtle, so I said, "It's kind of like.. a fantasy sort of story." I know, oh so very sexy. Roll your eyes if you wish, but it's a HUGE step for me. Trying to get my husband excited. I just don't do it like I should.

He said he wasn't going to be able to right now. As if I were asking him to do a chore, not share in a fantasy. I said right now isn't necessary, but maybe, possibly before he got home from work? No way. He was too busy today.

I said okay and tried to end the conversation without revealing that I was crying. I think I succeeded. I don't think I'm so very upset because he couldn't read the story while he's at work. After all, he's at work in an open environment without any privacy and he does need to watch the content and such. And I understand he's busy today, he's told me how busy it 's been this week. I guess I just hoped he'd sound more excited. Like he badly wanted to read it, but that damn old job was getting in the way. I wished he hadn't seemed so much like I was asking him for a favor.

Now I'm just sorry I brought the whole thing up. I really doubt I'll ever be able to share that story with him or possibly even any other story. Is it that men don't like reading, even if it's erotica, the way women do? Or am I just over-reacting to my husband's lack of reaction?

Update: To add insult to injury, he just emailed me and asked if I minded if he hung out with his friends tonight. I'm just... dazed. Your wife, who rarely ever initiates sex so if she does anything more than kiss you, you'll think you'll be getting some asked you to read a fantasy story before you left work for home and you want to go to your friend's house after work!? Is something seriously wrong, or is it possible he completely misunderstood me? We have been talking about the sci-fi/fantasy genre a lot lately... is it possible he thought I meant a fantasy story, like Lord of the Rings? Should I email him, clarify and ask if he understood me earlier?

---

Another update: Ok, I just sent him this email... I think there's a possibility I've made myself clear.

Katy, Sasha and Jessica were inseperable best friends since they met the first day of kindergarden. There was just some raw force pulling them together. They did virtually everything with one another so it was no surprise they all enrolled in the same college and joined the cheer squad. After practices and games the girls liked to hang around the locker room, long after the others finished changing and trickled out. While stripping and cleaning up, the trio talked and giggled about a million different topics, but usually things came around to their boyfriends and comparing sex stories.

"Oh please Sasha, the G-Spot is such a myth. If it existed, Brad definitely would have found it by now." Jessica laughed. Sasha was always full of crazy ideas and was going on about how once she found her G-Spot sex hasn't been the same.

( Oh my. HowEVER will they convince her otherwise? )

I'd LOVE feedback if you have any to offer. Constructive criticism is also very welcome, just please don't be mean.

I told you it was bad - you'll quickly see why we need to work on things.

When I woke up yesterday morning, my husband was kissing the back of my neck softly and rubbing my back. This didn't surprise me as I told him if he wants morning sex, the best way to turn me on is to wake me up by focusing on my neck. Unfortunately, the planets must not have been aligned properly because I just wasn't feeling turned on at all. I knew he wanted sex though and since I told him this was a good way to get me in the mood, I didn't want to just roll over and go back to sleep, lest he never try anything like that again.

( Alas, the rest of the session went about as well... )

Hello! Today's the first day of an experiment I'll be performing.

I'm married to my best friend, but our sex life is rather dull. We married young, as virgins after a three year courtship. During the first year to year and a half we were all over one another, but held out avoiding sex as it was important to both of us to remain virgins. I'm not so sure that was a good idea.

Our first date started out nervously. We went to dinner at Red Lobster and got to know one another a little better. We'd known each other for a while and a romantic interest was just developing. Afterwords, we saw American Beauty. We sweetly caressed and held each other's hands during the movie. Then we went back to my place and made out for a small eternity. His hands moved over my body, from my face, to my waist, around my back and finally his hand made its way up to my breast. He gently kneaded it and kissed it through the fabric. He unbuttoned my shirt and unclasped my front-hooking bra. His hand moved onto my breast and eventually his mouth found its way to my fleshy mounds. Events quickly progressed and before long I was completely naked under the covers with him massaging my clit and exploring my pussy. He came once that night and I, at least two or three times.

( Read more explaining what this is all about... )

Any thoughts on my experiment?

This is part two of "From Behind." Read Part I first.

His hand found its way up to the top of my panties and slowly pulled them down until they fell freely to the floor. I moaned and he responded to my sounds by squeezing my ass and biting down gently on my nipple. Fuck, I was about to explode!

He'd been so nice to me, so I figured it was my turn to reciprocate. I held his head in my hands and pulled his mouth up to mine, then manuvuered him until he was pressed up to the wall. His hands were grasping their way all over my body, but I took them and pinned his arms up. I kissed his mouth, searching it with my tongue. I sucked his lips and pressed my bare chest up to him. I straddled his muscled, huge right thigh and grinded my hips, massaging his still restrained dick with my body.

( Continue Reading: From Behind, Part II )